And by “Bad” I mean it sucks. I have no idea how they managed to mess up the winning formula of Michael Jackson music + Ouendan/EBA gameplay, but they did.
I’ve had Michael Jackson: The Experience
1 hour later… M-maybe it gets better…y-yeah…
3 hours later … WHAT IS THIS FAGGOTRY?!
What could possibly have gone wrong? Plenty. At first my disappointment was so strong I wasn’t even going to write this review, but since I technically did “finish” this game, I suppose I can jot down a few points, to serve as a warning to future generations.
What didn’t suck
– Full original versions instead of covers.
– Music quality was great, even though crappy DS speakers.
– Images were bright and colorful.
What sucked, i.e. Everything else
– Only 12 songs on only 3 difficulties. Also while I don’t mind that there’s no Thriller, it doesn’t make sense to have a dance game and not include one of the most iconic dance sequences in history in it.
– Full versions of every song, including intros and outros, made each stage drag on interminably. I’d have preferred the full versions to be unlockable and the playable ones to be shorter.
– Game consists of a hideous, expressionless MJ bobblehead executing some fairly well-done but highly cartoony dance moves. The only thing is, calling MJ’s dancing “fairly well-done” is like calling the Grand Canyon “fairly wide.” Ubisoft didn’t make even the weakest of efforts to capture the crispness and fluidity that was Michael at his best and the result is that The Experience feels more like a parody than a tribute.
– No in-game reason for playing except “It’s Michael Jackson music.” I like a story, even if it’s incredibly flimsy. As it is, the selling point is supposed to be tapping along to MJ’s music. But I’ve danced, sung, screamed, eaten and slept to MJ’s music for decades (I’m not saying how many!!). A game with nothing else to offer me but a few rhythmic taps to the same songs I’ve owned for ages is, to be blunt, an utter waste of money.
– The gameplay is no fun at all. It’s supposed to play like Ouendan/EBA, but it’s not anywhere near as exciting. The taps/beats don’t go with the music half the time. Sometimes they go with the backing vocals, or bass beat, or drum beat, or goodness knows what beat. There are breaks inserted at random places. There’s no reward for accurate taps, but the penalty for inaccuracy is steep and painful. At the same time Michael keeps dancing whether you make a mistake or not, so it’s like the player might as well not be there. Even on Hard your life barely goes down even when you make a mistake, etc etc etc. Yet another case of “taking the form and missing the essence.”
– The rewards are silly. Just drawn memorabilia like the camera from “Billie Jean” and the anti-gravity shoes from “Smooth Criminal.” It wouldn’t even have been so bad if each item came with some trivia and details that fans would enjoy reading, but no, it’s just “Take this average drawing of a white glove, and be grateful we gave you that much.”
And so on and so forth. I “finished” it in half a day, and the music is the only thing I enjoyed about the whole experience. I gave it to my younger cousin last week, and he seems to be enjoying himself, so maybe I’m just not the target demographic? Then who is the target demographic if not lifelong fans? Nah, I stand by my initial assessment: Michael Jackson The Experience is a half-assed effort to make money off MJ fans before the grief wore off. Real smooth, Ubisoft. I’ll remember this.
